I have been a very good boy this year and I want you to know that anything else anyone tells you is a damn lie! Like for example if Lauren McDowell tells you that I threatened to put Mike “Godly Man” Holmes on “The List”…..well….ok….I did…but…now listen….I did threaten to do that Santa. See, you have to understand. Mike Holmes sets a standard that no Canadian male can achieve. Honestly Santa, I think he is a cyborg. You know what I mean. Part man and part machine. Come to think of it, that makes way more sense than that he is some type of super contractor who has 75 television shows.
Oh man, sorry Santa. I did go off on a tangent there. Now where was I, oh yeah, my Christmas wish list. Now Santa I know you can not get all of these for me, but this is truly what I want for Christmas. I am putting them in order from “This would be cool to get but…” to “OMFG I WANT THIS!!!!!” So open a beer, kick those dogs up on a stool and get ready to make some dreams to come true old man.
Santa, I really want to see this movie in May. I am a HUGE (in biblical lettering here dude) comic book and Thor fanatic and I never dreamed that The Avengers would ever have a movie in my life time. Now I know you are thinking “Geez lazy ass, just get up off your seat and go in May” but there is a reason I am asking for this as a Christmas gift. I want to make this an event Santa. I want to make this memorable Santa. I want to include as many people as possible to take in the event. It will involve Rock Band, alcohol, watching the movies that lead into The Avengers (Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Incredible Hulk, Thor and Captain America) and it will involve me seeing it with some friends and family that I adore Santa. Please make sure I see this Santa, please. Or I may have to get my nephew Cian to cut you and you remember how he glared at you when he saw you a few days ago right? The kid is NOT fooling around.
Santa, you have brought me so many KISS cds and dvds already so I need to up the ante. Their new cd comes out in the new year and they said there will be a tour to follow. See, I have been such a huge KISS fan for so long and have only ever seen ONE concert in person. No, you read that right Santa. I saw KISS back in 2009 when they headlined a huge all day concert event right in my home province of Nova Scotia. The last time they were due to play here Santa was 1989, it was cancelled due to Paul Stanley being in poor health at the time. You gotta admit Santa that I should have front row tickets here right? I mean, look at what I have spent on my KISS cd and dvd collection. You gotta come through for me!
Ok, now I know I already asked for a concert but I am greedy ok! I love Nightwish and have been spreading the sound and the name of this band from Finland for many years. I do own all their cds as well and even had Marco Hietala (a bass guitar god) say my name, read the question I sent him and answer it over a live video chat he did last month. Proof here:
Nightwish has a new cd dropping in the new year as well Santa and I have never seen them play live before. I own a dvd but I want to see my hero Mr. Hietala on stage in person. This would mean the world to me Santa as I feel that Nightwish and Marco opened my eyes and my soul to music I never new existed. It allowed me to grow and evolve, and I need to experience this in full. If you do not make this happen Santa, well, just look at Marco. He is a legit bad ass. Do you want to cross him?
Now Santa, this one is a personal and selfish request and I will not hide that. This is a plea for you to step in and make things right. Please Santa, make sure Sidney Crosby can shake this concussion trauma he is still suffering from. It is not just so he can play and dominate again Santa. I want him to be healthy Santa and not be cheated out of everything he deserves in life. Sidney is from my own home province and is my favorite player. You remember that Mario Lemieux stick you brought me when I was 10 years old Santa? Well, Sid has followed Mario as my favorite player. He is a special talent, one that comes once in a lifetime. I know I was lucky to have Mario and Sid in my lifetime Santa. Just help him get better ok?
Santa we have to talk. Every guy has a dream car they want and well…yes…I want a Delorean. No Santa, not because of the “Back To The Future” movies but because it is a cool looking car!!!! Look at the thing of beauty!!! Amazing!!! The only thing I want to see changed is for it to be painted black. Oh yeeeeeahhh. Imagine that car in black Santa. Please….I need this!!
Ok….yes Santa……I want Scarlett Johansson in her Black Widow costume from the Avengers under my tree on Christmas morning…..look fat man…don’t judge me!!!!!….she is hot….I mean look at that pic…wow…and she is in a comic book movie and is play a sexy comic book character….look at it this way….the kid in me loves it is a comic book….the man in me loves her in very tight costumes…..wow………………………………………………………………………………………………sorry Santa…..I was distracted and my mind was wandering…..
Well Santa, I think you can see my list is not all that unreasonable. I mean, it is all things that should not be out of the ream of normal expectations for me right? Just to up the ante, I will leave you a bottle of Jack Daniels and some BBQ chicken wings. Screw the milk and cookies man! You need to enjoy yourself while do all this work! Tell Mrs. Claus I said hi and that I am sorry about the really inappropriate hug at the mall. I seriously meant to grab her arm.